Luc Bouchard with Solve-Act Life Coaching Services. I've been a certified life skills coach for 22 years and I specialize in men's issues and what keeps men stuck and help them uncover how to move forward.
Welcome, today is day 14 of the 72 Day Challenge. The weekly theme is The Male Perspective, the daily focus is Life Skills Approach and how I coach my clients and men specially on the male process and why I talk about that. The topic specifically is, How Do You Know If You Have a Good Fit With Your Coach? When people ask me what they look for in a coach, what they should look for in a coach or how they know it's worthwhile of their time and efforts and specifically the money, I have a very simple [inaudible 00:00:56] answer and that is, if after one, maybe two sessions, maybe ... After one session if you're not feeling as a client, relief, understood or hopeful for the future, I don't know if that's a good fit.
That's when people come and say to me, I'm saying, "Look, at the end of at one session, not two, one session. If you're not feeling like I've understood where you're coming from, if you're not feeling like there's hope for the future or that you're feeling relief from having that session, then let's find you somebody else because I'm not the guy for you." [inaudible 00:01:39] the heart of what I think you should be looking for in anyone that's going to help you, pretty much in any topic but specifically for therapists and counselors and coaches. After you go and see someone, if you haven't had relief, if you're not feeling understood or you're not feeling more hopeful about the future, yikes! Like really what ... Depending on what the process as in who you're seeing, it might take a second one but really at the second one if you're not having that, I'd be seriously shopping around and asking if that's a good fit.
I've had people say to me, when it comes to counselors and therapists and some coaches about the fact that they saw a coach or they saw a counselor or they saw a therapist and had an awful experience. They just didn't feel like it really helped them and they just felt stuck and they didn't move forward. I'll ask them a very simple question that is, "If you were getting transmission work done on your car and you brought it into this auto place, a dealer that specializes in transmission and they botched the job, would you never get your transmission fixed?" Oh no, of course not, you wouldn't go back to that transmission specialist. You'll go find another shop.
This is how I see people give their power away to individuals in the helping profession because we believe that they have all the answers by virtue of their education or by virtue of what they say they can do. They're human, we're all human. We all make mistakes, we all have what I call, our worth's wrinkles and [inaudible 00:03:34] and we have our humanity. Comes with having a belly button, our humanity and it comes with making mistakes. We can't mistakes without having a belly button. They kind of hand in hand. If you're seeing somebody that's supposed to be helping you and at the end of that you're not feeling relief, you're not feeling understood, you're not feeling hope about the future, it's time to move on and just not, not go back, like, "They botched my transmission, I'm never getting my transmission fixed by anyone."
Well, there you are stuck. Aren't you? Because your transmission is not working, just like you're stuck with your issues and your problems. Go into finding help with someone with an interview process. Go talk to them, find out if you like them. If you think they have a background, because they have a degree or a masters or a PhD, a PhD, ain't mean that they got their act together. It doesn't mean that they're going to help you, maybe they can but only you know. Only you know if it's a good fit. You don't have to continue to see them, there're always options.
By the numbers, interview your coach or your therapist or your counselor, find out what their background is. See specifically after a session if you're feeling relief, understood or hopeful about the future, if those aren't going on, they best, be very quick and ... Why are you doing that? It all goes back to what I introduced yesterday and really specifically is about deservingness and worthiness. If you're not seeing someone to get help, that speaks directly about how worthy you feel and how deserving you feel.
People give me this thing about, "Oh, you know I don't have the money and I can't afford it." People who can't afford it, I know financially it's a reality for a lot of people and I get that and I understand that. There're [inaudible 00:06:00] have sliding scales. For the individuals that can afford it and they're not ready to put the money out, I don't know a better illustration of not feeling worthy and not feeling having deservingness of it.
They'll complain about, "Oh, how much sleep I lose," or they'll go on about how they're not productive at work because they have all these stuff rolling around their heads or they're not just not moving forward in their lives and I'm going, "How much money have you lost in productivity? How much creativity have you not been able to achieve because you have the stuff in your head that's keeping you from progressing?" If that's not an indication of worthiness and deservingness, I defy anyone to give me a better example of that. What are you worthy of? What do you expect out of life?
Let's just go with expectation a bit more. I learned when I was Life Skills Coaches training like a while ago, this truly is an understatement but I live to be quite accurate. I don't have many truisms in my life besides death and taxes and my children love me unconditionally. A truism I really do have is that we generally are treated the way we expect to be treated. If people are treating you like crap, if people are taking you for granted, if people are basically not treating you very well, you have a part if that. You're participating because at some point you're giving that message to them that you deserve to be treated that way.
The alternate is putting boundaries down and basically standing up for yourself which is hard especially of you've never been taught to do that, especially if it's never been modeled but really why do people treat you like crap? Why do people take you for granted? Why do people not respect you? It''s because what you're telling them, it's okay. Really hard message I'm going to say it, it's no one's fault but you own. Maybe you need to learn how to do it differently, obviously. What are you deserving of? What are you worthy of? I believe you are worthy of being treated well, you're worthy of a great life, you're worthy of living your highest purpose.
You deserve to have all that. You deserve to have abundance, you deserve to have wealth in your life. You don't deserve to settle. You don't deserve to be treated like crap but many people are, many people do and really I know, used to accept a lot of behaviors until I finally, frankly decided that I was worthy of more or really of more. Deserving of more, I expected more. Shut a lot of people in my life, it happens. Luc Bouchard with Solve-Act Life Coaching Services. I've been a certified life skills coach for 20 years and I love my job. I really do. I just love helping people and I get a lot of joy out of it and a great deal of meaning and purpose.
I thank you for listening to this. Tomorrow is day 14 and it's creativity day, Saturday. We're going to be reviewing some of my art. Some of the stuff that you've seen in background on different days. Those are different pieces of the abstracts that I paint. Tomorrow I'm actually going to be covering two of the pieces that I did for my son and daughter to enhance they visual perception and their acuity. I'll explain that some more tomorrow.
You have a great day. Thank you for tuning in. Have any question? Please email me, it's on my website Luc@solve-act.com. I would love to hear from you and if you email is something that's going to be value added to the audience I will definitely read it out and air it. We have like 58 more days to go. This is great. I'm having a great time. You take care and see you later.